My next door neighbor's trees are just barely starting to grow leaves since it's been way too hot here the last couple of days. Most people in Southern California think this heat the best thing ever...I think we get plenty of hot weather as it is, so the cozy cloudiness and rain makes me happy.
Back to the leaves...it's a new start...every year...a cycle always starting over...which is a ironic metaphor for one important aspect of my life...my weight. Just like the trees I have grown and lost and grown again and lost again...and grown yet again.
I fell off the wagon...actually I've basically been drug behind the wagon. Through the fall months and Christmastime and the two months after Christmastime I have managed to gain back every pound I lost last year...oh and by the way, every one of those 17 pounds I lost last year I actually had lost and found the year before too.
So I took my sorry 167.5 pound ass back to Weight Watchers today and wallowed in my failure and wondered what the heck it would take to get me to lose these 17 pounds...lose about 17 more and then keep it off...forever.
What's so different about now than it was this time or this time? I am good at starting and going for about 7 months and then I slip...in the last six years I've slipped FOUR TIMES.
It's probably not a good thing to start out feeling this defeated...but I just am.
So maybe one day...in seven months...when these 17 pounds are gone again I can come back at look at today...and learn from today...and never have another "today"...just have tomorrows...skinny, skinny tomorrows...
