I'm not gonna to lie, having a mom who happens to have been a marriage, family, and child counselor for the last 25 years REALLY helps from time to time...free therapy. :)
It's so funny to see my mom's different "modes"...she's also an RN so we have "Nurse Jane" mode when you're sick or hospitalized, and "Psychologist Jane" when you're decompensating, and then there's just Mom (and honestly sometimes that doesn't always go so well).
But tonight I got a surprise visit from "Psychologist Jane" one I wasn't exactly anticipating when I called to ask her what my brother's favorite tea was (to go along with the Christmas gift he really wanted). It started when I asked her about Sean, who has really has been struggling with everything...having to write a note to his God-daughter (his brother's new baby) put him over the edge last night...he's so honored to have been asked, but it's a painful reminder of what we can't have.
As usual, she had some sage, unassuming advice and it felt good to here...I didn't realize how much I needed it. I can talk all big about my Plan B, and I whole-heartily believe in it...but at the same time I really cannot fathom my life without another child...and clearly Sean wants it more than anything.
Mom and I talked about adoption again...maybe just throwing our hat in the ring somewhere and not expecting much of it...if it happens it's meant to be...and it can't happen if we don't try a little. We'll see...maybe it can be called Plan A/B. I still would LOVE to finish school...so maybe in a few years...or maybe next week...who knows. :) Despite the ache, I'm just grateful that our life has so many possibilities.
Another thing she mentioned, as she has in the past, is her belief that the best, cheapest therapy out there is a journal...she says that it's enormously cathartic to get your thoughts out...and especially to be able to go back and tangibly see how far you've come. From time to time around here on this whole blog thing people will mention my openness...and while, yes, I'm an open book kind of a girl...it's more because this IS my journal...I've poured my heart out here and it's felt so good to have someplace to keep my thoughts...it's actually been an essential part of me getting through all this stuff these last couple of years...so thanks for letting me share it. :)
