We took Darby back to the agency. She's gone. Roxana wouldn't look at us or say anything. She just sat there. She took the baby out of my arms because I couldn't bear to hand her over. While we sobbed hysterically she tried to change her diaper with a paper towel and didn't think to support her head as she picked her up. She wouldn't even say, "I'm sorry". It was apparent that she didn't give a damn about us. I know the three of us crying was a lot to take in, but she DID not care to show us anything. Regardless of being a teenager, or suffering, or scared...she was just cold.
I'm dead inside, just dead...Sean and I take turns not being able to do this...right now he's being the strong one going around the house and packing stuff up. I just sit here numb, with my head pounding, not wanting to wake up tomorrow and have to deal with this all over again.
Mac is with my mom and her best friend, getting dinner and doing division homework. I've canceled his big brother shower, he never even knew. This poor child has lost yet another sibling...I hate that he has to go through this with us.
I miss her desperately, I keep playing mind games with myself that Roxana will realize she can't do it and bring her back. It won't happen because she has adults all around her that will just take care of the baby.
Thanks for your support, we need every prayer in the book. We are blessed to have each other, but we have lost so much today. Our dream is gone, our little girl...our little girl.
