Just Make Stuff

All done...

Ellie went home this morning after a great visit and Mac's party is all done.  It went well...I was crazy busy during most of it, but it went well. :)  I made an album of a few of the pictures and wrote out some captions to help describe the jungle extravaganza.  Can I just say how happy I am that there are about 363 days untils his next party?

Tracking...

Sean's Mom is coming to visit today through Sunday.  Alaska Airlines lets you actually watch the flight make it's way here...how cool is that?   We've been looking forward to Ellie's visit for months...these last couple hours are almost torture! 

Right after we pick her up we're heading down to Laguna Beach for the night to eat dinner and go to the Sawdust Festival...one of my very favorite summertime activities.

In the meantime  there's lots to do around here to get ready for Mac's birthday...it'll keep us from just sitting in front of the computer screen watching that plane inch it's way towards us. :)

Can I Brag??

Tomorrow afternoon Sean will be taking an envelope to the adoption agency that has...

ALMOST ALL OF OUR PAPERWORK DONE!!!!

They gave us a check list of 22 different things to write, fill-out, collect.  All but four of them are done. 

Sean and I still need to go to our scheduled physical appointments at our doctor's office next week.  We need to take an Infant First Aid and CPR class...I got a good lead on that tonight from my mom and I'll call to sign-up tomorrow.  We're waiting to hear back from one person we asked to be a reference before we can send that sheet in.  Last on the list we're waiting for Sean's birth certificate to come in the mail and then we are done, done, done!  In less than two weeks mind you...and that's even counting the little vacation we took last week.

Here's a sampling of our productivity...

Personal Profile Forms (5 pages)...Done

Financial Statement Forms...Done

Maps and Directions to our house...Done

Several Authorizations...Done

Mac's Physical and TB test...Done

DMV Records...Done

6-8 page Autobiographies...Done

Emergency Plan for the house & drawings of floor plans...Done

Fingerprinting (240 dollars later)...Done

Okay, I'll stop bragging, but I got to admit I'm really proud of us. 

Now on to the next step...

What is it...

about school supplies?  Oh, do they get me every time. 

Sean and I were in Target this week and saw the school supply display.  Organizational geek that I am, I had Mac's 3rd grade school supply list typed into the "Tasks" section of my Palm Pilot.  So, we figured better get it now before there's slim pickings in a few weeks.

Crayola, #2 pencils, new folders and binders.  I was giddy.  Sean watched as I picked up something up off of Mac's list and then something for me...that is, of course, when he wasn't carefully picking out HIS lunch box for the impending school year.  Mr. Griffin is known for having some kind of childish box that he carefully packs food into, all by himself thank you.  He wouldn't want you thinking his wife packed his lunch!  So this year he'll be rocking the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle lunch box...I can't begin to tell you how proud I am to be Mrs. Griffin sometimes. :) 

Anyways, they make this stuff just too darn cute nowadays.  I even got a couple cheap text book covers I couldn't resist. 

In my defense, I'm toying with idea of going back to Foothill for the school year while we wait for the big phone call.  I had lunch with my friends from there this week, and they really want me to come back.  I still have a little while to decide.  If I don't go back I'm going to sign up for a couple classes at the local community college.  I haven't taken any in a year and want to cross off a couple more general ed classes on my "20 years to get my bachelors" plan. :)

So, I NEEDED this stuff, right?  I already have organized all the adoption paperwork into the cutey-cute green and pink binder (see, told you I'm a nerd) and the post-it note highlighter contraption is for making notes in the five books we're required to read.  I have a lot of things to learn, so I need to be well supplied for the task, right? :)

The grass is always greener...

Got a couple of inches trimmed off my hair today and that meant I got to have my hair "blown out"...you know, straight?

Having the naturally curly, yet somehow looks like a bad perm, hair that I do straight is a real novelty.  It used to be a given.  I was in denial.  Blow dryers, round brushes, flat irons, then a curling iron to make it flippy.  It was fun to have, but way too much of a pain in the ass to do everyday.  So, I gave in...hooked up the diffuser to that hair dryer and kept it on low, put a bunch of products in it, and say prayers to the hair Gods to avoid the dreaded frizz...doesn't really work.  Now it's just about 7 minutes and it's all done. 

It's not always the prettiest, but it works and I get a fair amount of compliments from straight haired women that say they'd love to have my curls...all the while I lust over their straight locks.  The grass is always greener on the other side, huh?

So today I'm pretty sure I have run my fingers through my hair, oh, about 100,000 times...I've got to take advantage of it since it'll be back to it's curly, rat's-nest mess soon. :)

(I asked Sean to snap a couple quick photo's of my 'do' for the day.  Of course I was all about the super cheesy smile or glaring at him while he made some dumb joke...now I think I know where Mac gets his photo posing issues from!)

The weekend...

I figured I'd better share about last weekend before the next one is here. :)

We drove up late Thursday night and arrived at the hotel at 3:30am  thanks to a bunch of LA traffic.  After sleeping in a little on Friday morning we headed across the Bay Bridge into downtown San Francisco for breakfast.  Friends of ours had suggested Dottie's True Blue Cafe, they actually told us it was the best breakfast they'd ever had in their lives.  Sounded pretty appealing.  It was a tiny cafe with literally less than ten tables and a line out the door.  Without a doubt it was the best breakfast Sean and I have EVER had.  We almost cried when we were full because we wanted to keep eating.  Apple Carmel coffee cake, cranberry orange bread with cream cheese, an amazing omelet, homemade buttermilk dill toast...just amazing.  If you're ever in San Francisco you HAVE to go.

Other than that we wandered around for the day, a little downtown and then a little in Berkley.  We met up with our friends Monique and Matt at their house Friday night and had a great time hanging out and settling in for the weekend in their new house.

The other highlight of the trip was going to Napa.  Always have wanted to go there.  Sean and I don't really drink wine, but have always liked the idea of learning about it.  The four of us headed out there to meander from winery to winery just whatever caught out eye as we drove down the road.  We went on a tour of a wine cave.  We tried some different wines, even bought a couple.  We went to the Mumm winery where they specialize in champagne and had way too much fun with the various samplers we tried.  They even were hosting an Ansel Adams collection in their gallery.  It was the perfect, relaxing day.

Monday we just drove home.  Lots of new photos loaded on the laptop and shopping bags in the car.  We've talked a dozen times already about when to go back up...that breakfast is calling our names. :)

So, the sign...

We're home from our blissful weekend that I'll post about in a little bit, but first the story about the sign. (and an opportunity for me to procrastinate on unpacking and straightening up!)

We went to the Night Light Christian Adoption Center last Wednesday to meet with a couple of people and learn more about the process.  This agency had come highly recommended by some family friends. 

Sean and I walk in and sit down, slightly nervous.  Across from us are two wing chairs that are upholstered in the same teddy bear embroidery fabric as Mac's first scrapbook.  No, that's not the sign, but it did give me a good feeling about the place for some reason.

First we met with a woman to get a few answers about the Snowflake Embryo Adoption program they run...we were curious and just wanted to learn more.  After talking for a few minutes we were fairly certain that actually the domestic adoption would be the better option for us.  However, we kept chatting and I mentioned the process I'd been going through to arrive at choosing adoption and how I had kind of wanted a "sign" to make sure we were on the right path.  She shared that her 4 1/2 year old son was adopted and the few signs that she had.  Do you know what her son's name was?

Griffin

Yes, Griffin.

Maybe that's not a sign to you...just a coincidence, with Griffin being our last name.  However, it was ALSO McIntosh's twin brother's name.  Two little boys named Mac and Griff was the plan.  It didn't turn out that way though.  I always said I would get my Griffin...that it was meant to be.  I got my Griffin, Sean Griffin...and we have the family I dreamed of with him and Mac...it was meant to be.

We signed up right then and there for the domestic adoption program.  We're on our way...and it was meant to be.  I got my sign.

More adventures...

We're off to the Bay Area for a long weekend.  This time it's just Sean and I. ;)

When I get back I have to share about the meeting we had yesterday with the adoption agency...I think I got the sign I wanted...

Have a good weekend...

Griffin Family Adventures

Where has the week gone since I lasted posted?  Sorry about that.  The days have been flying by, especially because we've been doing a lot together around here lately.  This post would be forever long if I described evereything so here are the highlights since Friday...

-we've gone to the Discovery Science Center

-watched movies and our wedding video...Mac wanted to and it really was fun to look back

-we've played "water games" in the front yard...a traditional summer event in this house...this time I even ended up soaked

-went to the Orange County Fair

-went for a long walk on the beach

I've got to admit it's been pretty darn blissful :)  Here's a collection of photos from all our Griffin Family Adventures...

Blinders...

I slightly hesitate to say it, but today might be the day.

What day?

The day I put blinders on, make a decision, and go with it.

Two weeks ago today I hung up from a phone call and said, "We're adopting". 

Then I went to Camp, I was amidst tons of talk about about pregnancy and babies due to the three staff members who are pregnant.  One night as I ended up at dinner with all three of them around the table and a former staff member who was sitting next to me, visiting with her one-year-old twin girls.  I lost it.  Quickly walked out of there and tried to hide in the back of the kitchen.  Sobbed...you know that guttural, world's coming to an end sorrow.  The one that almost makes you convulse as you get it all out.  The cathartic one...that as the last tear drops off your cheek you feel better, empowered...relieved.

The whole time I wasn't sorrowful or jealous about their pregnancy...it was about the impending life.  That they'd get to share it with their spouse.  That their family would be as little more complete.  That they had that excitement to look forward to.

Since that phone call two weeks ago I've got to admit I've had more peace...but I didn't want to trust it right away.  I said then I wanted a sign, but maybe I'm not going to get one...maybe the feeling in my heart is a sign, albeit quiet.

So here are my thoughts...

I still can't gamble, too many what-ifs.  You know, it probably would all work...80% is good odds...but what if it didn't?  That's not okay with me.  What is something happen to Sean in his surgery?  That's not okay with me.  What if they do the genetic testing on the embryos and it shows that there's something so wrong that there would be no quality of life?  That's not okay with me.

Pregnancy...let's talk about that.

I did it once, obviously, I was twenty & single.  I was soooo sick for months...everyday, all day.  Bad.  Then since I was expecting twins I needed to be on bed rest for my entire third trimester.  But, instead I had a fetal demise at 28 weeks, was in pre-term labor, had dangerous, deathly issues with my blood-work.  Gave birth to a two pound baby boy...who was fighter and did so well, apgars of 9 and 9, never on a respirator.  Was in the hospital for seven weeks.  Was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at a year old.  Doesn't have full control of his body.  His right hand barely works.  He falls down more often than he should.  Has massive learning disabilities.  If you want to be honest, brutally honest, I did this to him.  My body's shortcomings didn't give him the best chance.  It denied him a brother, an identical twin brother.  I didn't do pregnancy well, granted I know each pregnancy is different, but there's a lot of risk factors involved for me.

Let's talk about Sean. 

He would do anything.  If I told him to hop up on that operating room table and have his balls dissected (sorry) he would in a heartbeat.  He'd give me shots, he'd hold my hand, he'd be at every last little thing.  He'd wait on me hand and foot every minute.  However, when it's all said and done all Sean wants is to be a Dad.  He doesn't begin to worry for a minute about biology.  He knows he can love any child more than life itself, just like he loves Mac.

In-vitro is fading away in my mind. 

I was so scared about having a baby for the first five years of my marriage.  Thought of every worst case scenario.  Came up with ridiculous reasons.  I finally got there last year, I was ready...you know why?  Because I came to terms with the fact that I would NEVER be ready.  I knew it was something you just DON'T regret.  I would never look at my life and wish I hadn't had a child, but I would look at my life and wish, "Why didn't we just do it then?"...and look at me just a year later, I am wishing that.  I'm 29, why didn't we do this two years ago, three years ago, the minute we got married?

I need to transfer the same thinking to adoption.  I won't regret it, I'll never look back sorrowfully and think why did we do this?  Why didn't we do that?  It's about a FAMILY...our family.  I will never be ready, I will always come up with worst case scenarios, unless...

Unless, I put blinders on.  I've seen everything, now it's time to focus.

Just trust myself, trust my heart.  Trust Sean.

Choose it and go forward.

Find my family.

It's 1:15pm

and I'm still in my pajamas...

I woke up at 5:45am this morning, which I NEVER do, so I've had a dozen chances to shower and get dressed.  Mac went to his Dad's this morning to make up for time he missed last week, so no excuse there. Yet here I sit...

scrapbooking

Four layouts...just having fun...getting some of the layouts waiting to be made checked off my to-do list.  Listening to the "Sing-A-Long" playlist in my I-pod.  Lots of Broadway Musicals, a little Jazz and Disney...my congested (I kinda have a cold)voice belting them out...at least now I can hit the low notes a little better...not that any of it's sounding too pretty!

Mac's birthday is at the end of the month and I need to make invitations...but have I?  No.  I'm procratinating...I'll get started on it later today (oh, and shower too). 

For now just let me make one more layout... :)

Don't even know where to start...

We got home from Camp late Saturday afternoon and it was all done for the year.  I cried during Mass, heck I cried all week...not really crying, but tears welling up in my eyes occasionally dropping onto my cheeks.  We were busy...not getting home till late and too tired to share on here as I suspected I might be, but I'll try my best to share now...

It was the best week, it always is...except every year just gets better and better.  I don't know where to start talking about it.  So many stories, so many gloriously lovable personalities.  We took 363 photos...My mom checking campers in for the week, Campers armed with glue sticks, Mac having fun, the Dodger Game (where apparently we were fans of the day according to their website), the dance, friends, campers showing off their books, just their faces...their beautiful, unique, can't get enough of them faces.

We served hundreds of meals and washed hundreds upon hundreds of dishes, we sang songs, we danced around the classroom because everyone should scrapbook to "Brick House" and "Whoomp There It Is".  We scrubbed glue-stick off of tables every afternoon.  We ran six red lights while trying to follow the four buses on their way to L.A. for the game.  We got both the seating sections next to us involved in cheers..."We love the Dodgers, yes we do!!! We love the Dodgers, how about you?...I hugged and hugged and hugged...I just so often touched their shoulders as I walked around the classroom, either checking on how they decorated with superhero stickers or with a little trash can cleaning up scraps. I helped a camper get his fingers out of the decorative scissors they were firmly stuck in...thankfully that little emergency had never happen before in the nine years I've run the class.  I've known so many of these amazing individuals for years...a dozen in some cases...I know their families...how much they love to dance...that they can be stubborn and manipulative when they want to...who likes noise and who doesn't...that they just love so much...that Camp is their magic week...and it's ours too.

I laughed and laughed...smiled and smiled...I was just truly there soaking in all their happiness and reveling in the fact that God is good...afterall, he gave us Camp.

I wish I could tell you everything...share every story...tell you about every camper. 

(Since that would take ten years to type out I'll just share this for now...CAMP...sorry all the verticle photos are sideways)